Yesterday early morning, my brother hit me up on video chat. I haven’t been feel well and I was cleaning my apartment, bleaching and dying my hair. I hadn’t showered in 2 days and I needed to so badly but I wouldn’t until I did my other grooming first ( hair, nails, etc.). I didn’t connect the call, I replied with the generic text msg saying I couldn’t talk then, please call back later.

He sent me a text later in the morning which simply said his phone was off. I had already told him I would pay his bill but I was busy on yet another phone call with public assistance that lasted hours, regarding the food stamps I’ve been waiting for and were promised to me in October.

By the afternoon I was exhausted. I made sure to pay his bill before I fell asleep.

I was surprised to see that he hadn’t called me while I was over sleeping and waiting for a package to arrive. So I called him but his phone was still disconnected. I thought maybe there were some overages I didn’t know about and I sent him a few messages online asking how much he owed.

Last night my brother’s mother called me and told me that he died.

My brother is dead.

And his phone never got connected. I have a confirmation say that the bill was paid.

I’m sad. A bit angry, scared, and uncomfortable.

I had planned to go to a dog adoption event today. I really hope I’m allowed to leave with a new little fella, bring him home today. I already have eye on a fella called Peabody I saw online.

My brother died yesterday. I can hardly believe this.

So, I’ve heard you’ve missed me. Well I’ve missed you to. I know for sure now that sharing with you was super healthy for me. Ranting, raving, criticizing, praising, crying, laughing, shouting at the top of my lungs on paper. These are all of the things necessary for my growth and development.

Since we’ve been apart, I’ve moved into my very own 1 bedroom apartment, have a boyfriend for almost a year, had to call the police to remove him in September, my son turned 17 and has become distant, my daughter is now 12 and calls me every chance she gets and tells me EVERYTHING, just like my son used to, and I’m loving it. My son will be going away to college in the summer, he earned a full academic scholarship to an out of state college which is way closer to New York than here in California, insert sad face here. I’m struggling with mental and emotional frustration. I have feelings of loss and I’m angry that we weren’t ever able to regain any symbol of our lives together before he becomes an adult. He’ll be gone soon and sometimes I feel like I’ve failed him. There’s still hope for getting my daughter back under my roof again. I plan to propose this move I’m the summer.

I started teaching tap at a local dance studio to children soon after moving into my new home in a new community. I loved my job and I was so amazed and blessed with such wonderful, scary talented, young ones. I apparently got bit by a spider on the outside of my vagina and suffered unbelievable amounts of pain, fever, and dilutions, causing me to miss the end of semester performance rehearsals and the show itself. I was under the impression someone had updated my boss concerning my health problem (I almost died) but when I realized no-one hadn’t I was furious and embarrassed but I took a scary step and called to address the issue many many days after the events. I left a voicemail message explaining what happened, I never received a response and in turn, my fears and total humiliation took over, paralyzing me to the point of never returning to work and never making another attempt to call and reconcile. I am now in a slight funk/depression but I can honestly say that’s the only pressing problem I’m avoiding these days.

Well, there’s the newest issue where I’m dealing again with this treacherous “blood family” of mine. This time it isn’t about my children, it’s about my Mother. She went into the hospital on Thursday and I only found out on Saturday because the one cousin who I am still communicating with called to tell me. When I tell you the awful things that the Aunts and whomever else said/did when asked why I hadn’t been included in the discussion thread about my Mother, you’ll probably be as hurt as I am. The good news is that with the help of my “Wonder Twin” brother I was able to put my anger and pain to the side and address my Mother’s care with confidence and love. As a result of my maturity (at least I think this is why) I received a call today from a medical professional giving me an update on my Mother’s care. I am sitting on the toilet as I type into my phone a proud daughter.

And as for the last quick update, my brother and I have finally been able to be in the same place at the same time!!! He visited at the end of last year and came back again from December to mid-January. That’s a drama filled story that you don’t want to miss.

There’s so many other details to write about. This is the foundation of the new and improved blog from me, Warner Bailey.

I’ll be posting reviews on the new places I’m visiting, including, restaurants, malls, liqour stores, and random events. You’ll learn about my in-depth online shopping experiences and why I’m more cyber based than ever. HINT: Every heard of agoraphobia? Eeks!

I’ll be sharing my experience so far as an alcoholic who is drinking again but still LOVES AA and has in-home meetings, refers to the big book for guidance, and isn’t ashamed, hiding, or worried about living in a bush again.

I’m back with way more confidence, new perspectives, strange theories, and so much to complain about, laugh about, cry about, and hope about.

Just like the year, I’m here with clearer vision. Life still sucks and still so beautiful.

I’m looking forward to engaging more with you and including you in THE WARNER BAILEY PROJECT soon to be a MOVEMENT.

Peas and blessings, double L squared, bad peace in the North East. I’m Audi 5,000!

http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/09/now-power-of-now-now.html

A post to a YouTube video

“Help!” is what I’ve been screaming inside. I have and I can. Now is the time for “I Will.”

“@ 5:34 Totally Me! http://Www.WarneBaileyBlogging.WordPress.com & http://www.IsThisRealLifeReally.blogspot.com Quickly became http://www.WayTooMuch.Podbean.com a Podcast that I paid to upgrade for monetization purposes and never posted another show after that. I am still getting $40 a Month taken from my account and it’s been almost a year.
*Important Disclaimer: I have been working on the Warner Bailey Project since 2017 as a 4th year #HOMELESS #DRUG #ADDICT #ALCOHOLIC which made it very hard to stay consistent. As of 1 month and 2 weeks ago I have finally moved into my own apartment and am ready to launch into The Warner Bailey Project which will become a movement.
I have a wealth of knowledge, experience, talent, skill, training, education, and pure Love to utilize. I procrastinate, I am a workaholic, I am healing from numerous tragedies. I am strong willed, I am powerful, I have a connection with a great source of energy that is so strong it can be seen with the naked eye. I am passionate about helping others, showing the world my humanity, I am bold and daring while living in fear and anonymity.
Thank you all for your comments, thank you for this post. I have read many of the comments here and have joined some of you on your journeys. I look forward to hearing, seeing, and building with you all.”

Peas and blessings,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”
-Warner Bailey

Many times, my life has felt like a movie. Any genre of film would be fitting… I mean ANY.

I have yet to find that sweet spot of writing where I have been consistent, even if my consistency doesn’t look like others, I want to be satisfied knowing that I delivered quality reading material to the world whether it be once a week or 4 times a year.

In between my rants and raves to you, I have these awesome ideas that would make for an abundance of writing material and a clear shot at success. I even went as far as staging the material in my head many times.

I have ideas of how I think I could write this blog post right now make an epic tale a turning point in my writing career but I now see this as a sad tale with what looks like an unhappy end.

I have less time to write this than I thought. If I can, I will add to this post another time. If this is the last I get to write, I hope that you come to understand.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.” – Warner Bailey

Born Free, Mother to Baby

Happy Bornday Baby, From Mommy
Rip me open again, will you?
Let me breathe one more time in synchronicity with you,
my beloved.
I miss your tiny fingers clutching my breast while you fed.
Nails so thin and new, sharp, painful grasps, far from bothered because it was you.
This little light of mine.
She shines,
I,
Mother,
am blind.
With each new awakening, I remember vividly you saying, “Mommy, wake up. Wake up Mommy, it’s time to wake up.”
Your voice was so mature, I’d never heard you sound like that before, I left you, a baby, next phone conversation you had the voice I heard, mature.
Despite me, you thrive.
You saved my life.
Every day I die a little bit more.
My daughter, how strange still to say.
Still, I say it anyway.
Born on this very day, we waited patiently for you.
You tried to come too soon.
MIdwife says to be with Mommy a bit longer Dear.
Excited to meet you face to face,
I still wait.
Be still they say,
soon she’ll be with you.
I miss your laughing face.
Your beauty is beyond me.
I still can’t believe you call me Mommy.
Oh, Freedom, beloved blessing, your name says everything.
Be you always.
Mommy Loves you baby.
I’ve been struggling, in battle, fighting, for you for a decade, holding memories hostage, craving for how we used to be.
No longer 2 or 3, 12 now, wiser than me.
Never stop being you, don’t be like me.
Be you always.
Free.
– Warner Bailey

June 15, 2019

Death is a Maiden
The Siren Song of Death
Death is a maiden.
I feel her call – her siren song,
The mournful wailing.
I start to drown,
In the sinking ship I was bailing.
Death is a maiden that calls to me.

The Hair of Death
Death is a maiden.
A close call,
Trivial things caused me to rush.
The busy bustle of life,
That’s what caused my brush-
With the hair of death.
Death is a maiden with beauty everlasting.

The Luscious Lips of Death
Death is a maiden.
And I lust for her.
I received the kiss of her luscious lips.
Causing not an infatuation,
But an obsession of ginormous girth.
Death is a maiden and I flirt with her daily.

The Embrace of Death
Death is a maiden.
I yearn for the sweet release of her embrace.
An oxymoron, a contradiction,
Yet the immense freedom of her touch,
Is beyond human comprehension.
Death is a maiden who will never let go.

The Maidenhood of Death
Death has lost her maidenhood.
I united myself with her.
There was not a fight fought,
Only a lesson taught.
Death is a miserable cur.

-Don Silver

April, 2018

Age 15

I Forgot How It Feels

To be human again.
I turned in my imaginary cape.
It no longer fit.
I am woman. No longer girl.
Yes Ma’am.
Silver threads growing like streaks of sun rays bursting through dark clouds of hazy yesterdays.
I am human woman.
This is new. I am evolving.
I forgot what it was like to be human again. I forgot what it was like to be me. This is another version of me. Woman.
No longer girl. How exciting this will be.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”

– Warner Bailey

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