Category: Warner Bailey Says

So, I’ve heard you’ve missed me. Well I’ve missed you to. I know for sure now that sharing with you was super healthy for me. Ranting, raving, criticizing, praising, crying, laughing, shouting at the top of my lungs on paper. These are all of the things necessary for my growth and development.

Since we’ve been apart, I’ve moved into my very own 1 bedroom apartment, have a boyfriend for almost a year, had to call the police to remove him in September, my son turned 17 and has become distant, my daughter is now 12 and calls me every chance she gets and tells me EVERYTHING, just like my son used to, and I’m loving it. My son will be going away to college in the summer, he earned a full academic scholarship to an out of state college which is way closer to New York than here in California, insert sad face here. I’m struggling with mental and emotional frustration. I have feelings of loss and I’m angry that we weren’t ever able to regain any symbol of our lives together before he becomes an adult. He’ll be gone soon and sometimes I feel like I’ve failed him. There’s still hope for getting my daughter back under my roof again. I plan to propose this move I’m the summer.

I started teaching tap at a local dance studio to children soon after moving into my new home in a new community. I loved my job and I was so amazed and blessed with such wonderful, scary talented, young ones. I apparently got bit by a spider on the outside of my vagina and suffered unbelievable amounts of pain, fever, and dilutions, causing me to miss the end of semester performance rehearsals and the show itself. I was under the impression someone had updated my boss concerning my health problem (I almost died) but when I realized no-one hadn’t I was furious and embarrassed but I took a scary step and called to address the issue many many days after the events. I left a voicemail message explaining what happened, I never received a response and in turn, my fears and total humiliation took over, paralyzing me to the point of never returning to work and never making another attempt to call and reconcile. I am now in a slight funk/depression but I can honestly say that’s the only pressing problem I’m avoiding these days.

Well, there’s the newest issue where I’m dealing again with this treacherous “blood family” of mine. This time it isn’t about my children, it’s about my Mother. She went into the hospital on Thursday and I only found out on Saturday because the one cousin who I am still communicating with called to tell me. When I tell you the awful things that the Aunts and whomever else said/did when asked why I hadn’t been included in the discussion thread about my Mother, you’ll probably be as hurt as I am. The good news is that with the help of my “Wonder Twin” brother I was able to put my anger and pain to the side and address my Mother’s care with confidence and love. As a result of my maturity (at least I think this is why) I received a call today from a medical professional giving me an update on my Mother’s care. I am sitting on the toilet as I type into my phone a proud daughter.

And as for the last quick update, my brother and I have finally been able to be in the same place at the same time!!! He visited at the end of last year and came back again from December to mid-January. That’s a drama filled story that you don’t want to miss.

There’s so many other details to write about. This is the foundation of the new and improved blog from me, Warner Bailey.

I’ll be posting reviews on the new places I’m visiting, including, restaurants, malls, liqour stores, and random events. You’ll learn about my in-depth online shopping experiences and why I’m more cyber based than ever. HINT: Every heard of agoraphobia? Eeks!

I’ll be sharing my experience so far as an alcoholic who is drinking again but still LOVES AA and has in-home meetings, refers to the big book for guidance, and isn’t ashamed, hiding, or worried about living in a bush again.

I’m back with way more confidence, new perspectives, strange theories, and so much to complain about, laugh about, cry about, and hope about.

Just like the year, I’m here with clearer vision. Life still sucks and still so beautiful.

I’m looking forward to engaging more with you and including you in THE WARNER BAILEY PROJECT soon to be a MOVEMENT.

Peas and blessings, double L squared, bad peace in the North East. I’m Audi 5,000!

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http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/09/now-power-of-now-now.html

A post to a YouTube video

“Help!” is what I’ve been screaming inside. I have and I can. Now is the time for “I Will.”

“@ 5:34 Totally Me! http://Www.WarneBaileyBlogging.WordPress.com & http://www.IsThisRealLifeReally.blogspot.com Quickly became http://www.WayTooMuch.Podbean.com a Podcast that I paid to upgrade for monetization purposes and never posted another show after that. I am still getting $40 a Month taken from my account and it’s been almost a year.
*Important Disclaimer: I have been working on the Warner Bailey Project since 2017 as a 4th year #HOMELESS #DRUG #ADDICT #ALCOHOLIC which made it very hard to stay consistent. As of 1 month and 2 weeks ago I have finally moved into my own apartment and am ready to launch into The Warner Bailey Project which will become a movement.
I have a wealth of knowledge, experience, talent, skill, training, education, and pure Love to utilize. I procrastinate, I am a workaholic, I am healing from numerous tragedies. I am strong willed, I am powerful, I have a connection with a great source of energy that is so strong it can be seen with the naked eye. I am passionate about helping others, showing the world my humanity, I am bold and daring while living in fear and anonymity.
Thank you all for your comments, thank you for this post. I have read many of the comments here and have joined some of you on your journeys. I look forward to hearing, seeing, and building with you all.”

Peas and blessings,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”
-Warner Bailey

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Born Free, Mother to Baby

Happy Bornday Baby, From Mommy
Rip me open again, will you?
Let me breathe one more time in synchronicity with you,
my beloved.
I miss your tiny fingers clutching my breast while you fed.
Nails so thin and new, sharp, painful grasps, far from bothered because it was you.
This little light of mine.
She shines,
I,
Mother,
am blind.
With each new awakening, I remember vividly you saying, “Mommy, wake up. Wake up Mommy, it’s time to wake up.”
Your voice was so mature, I’d never heard you sound like that before, I left you, a baby, next phone conversation you had the voice I heard, mature.
Despite me, you thrive.
You saved my life.
Every day I die a little bit more.
My daughter, how strange still to say.
Still, I say it anyway.
Born on this very day, we waited patiently for you.
You tried to come too soon.
MIdwife says to be with Mommy a bit longer Dear.
Excited to meet you face to face,
I still wait.
Be still they say,
soon she’ll be with you.
I miss your laughing face.
Your beauty is beyond me.
I still can’t believe you call me Mommy.
Oh, Freedom, beloved blessing, your name says everything.
Be you always.
Mommy Loves you baby.
I’ve been struggling, in battle, fighting, for you for a decade, holding memories hostage, craving for how we used to be.
No longer 2 or 3, 12 now, wiser than me.
Never stop being you, don’t be like me.
Be you always.
Free.
– Warner Bailey

June 15, 2019
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I Forgot How It Feels

To be human again.
I turned in my imaginary cape.
It no longer fit.
I am woman. No longer girl.
Yes Ma’am.
Silver threads growing like streaks of sun rays bursting through dark clouds of hazy yesterdays.
I am human woman.
This is new. I am evolving.
I forgot what it was like to be human again. I forgot what it was like to be me. This is another version of me. Woman.
No longer girl. How exciting this will be.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”

– Warner Bailey

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2019-03-10-01-01-34~2.jpg

Don’t worry anymore. 

I was here the whole time too. 

I saw you even when I didn’t want to.

I knew you were there, I just didn’t want to look at you. 

Thank you. 

I think my love was so overwhelming for

myself I resisted the pull. 

I attended the fair and rode the rides

before.

Like

Fiona said,

“I sleep to dream.”, I

live for life itself 

and 

now I’m ready to live with you and you too.

I love.

Me.

You, I thank. 

-Warner Bailey

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful” – Warner Bailey

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National Poetry Month – Day 29

http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/04/life-sucks-and-is-so-beautiful-life.html

And now for our penultimate (optional) prompt! The poet William Wordsworth once said that “Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.” For Wordsworth, a poem was the calm after the storm – an opportunity to remember and summon up emotion, but at a time and place that allowed the poet to calmly review, direct and control those feelings. A somewhat similar concept is expressed through the tradition of philosophically-inclined poems explicitly labeled as “meditations,” – like Robert Hass’s “Meditation at Lagunitas,” the charming Frank O’Hara prose poem, “Meditations in an Emergency,” or Charles Baudelaire’s “Meditation.”
Today, I’d like to challenge you to blend these concepts into your own work, by producing a poem that meditates, from a position of tranquility, on an emotion you have felt powerfully. You might try including a dramatic, declarative statement, like Hass’s “All the new thinking is about loss,” or O’Hara’s “It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.” Or, like, Baudelaire, you might try addressing your feeling directly, as if it were a person you could talk to. There are as many approaches to this as there are poets, and poems.
Happy writing!

I get my prompts HERE!

Life Sucks and is so beautiful

Life sucked so bad when all I wanted was a big brother. As an only child, I asked my Mother, begged and pleaded for a big brother. “That’s not how that works.” I remember her saying. Which ever way she responded each time I asked was the equivalent to “No.”
How beautiful life is when I was United with a son my father had with another woman, not my Mother. He’s older than me. We’ve grown to be very close. We get along famously. He is my big brother.
Life sucks and is so beautiful.
Life was beautiful in the beginning. Full of wonder, joy, peace, excitement, newness, comfort, Mommy, home, love, playing, learning, different, new, home, love, more, future, change, same, same home, same Mommy, same love. Striving for a plato of same while every now and then venturing off to new, to always come back to same.
Change.
Along the way I lost the will to wonder, I lost joy, peace, excitement, and comfort. Only newness was the same. I became uncomfortable, Mommy seemed so far away, home was far away until one day there was no home anywhere, anyway. Love felt lost, no more play. Still learning. Rapidly different, always new. No Mommy, no home, no love, no more, seemingly hopeless. Lost. Some unweighed portion of me still striving to come back, to what? I don’t know, except the feeling of comfort, Mommy, Home.
Change.
Life sucks, I’m still not awake to be comfortable while Mommy still waits for me to come home.
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And now for our optional prompt! Today, I’d like to challenge you to write a poem that “talks.” What does that mean? Well, take a look at this poem by Diane Seuss. While it isn’t a monologue, it’s largely based in spoken language, interspersed with the speaker/narrator’s own responses and thoughts. Try to write a poem grounded in language as it is spoken – not necessarily the grand, dramatic speech of a monologue or play, but the messy, fractured, slangy way people speak in real life. You might incorporate overheard speech or a turn of phrase you heard once that stood out to you – the idea here is to get away from formally “poetic” speech and into the way language tends to work out loud.
Happy writing!

Bits and Peices of Streets and People

Hey soul sista,

I overheard you say there’s a party going on over there.
I almost wore my house slippers to the store, making it impossible to cut a rug. I can rip it up now, my favorite flats used to have thin straps across the top, I broke one then cut the other off, the shoes feel better now.
I wanna dance to loud music all night long.
He is just a baby but he could feel the tension between Mommy and Daddy. I hope we eat soon, he thought.
Best friends laugh together so loud and hard. Faces red. Bellies aching. The laughter lasted a long time. Both friends have forgotten what was so funny in the first place. They laugh another few minutes anyway.
Laughter is contagious.
The man asking passerbys for money smelled of raw onions, rotten fish, burnt plastic, and Toe jam. He began to laugh too. Belly empty, feet blistered and bloody. Hair matted. Black dirt from head to toe.
What does the beggar have to laugh about?
Laughter was the last sound before falling into a deep sleep.
Nights like this I wish you were here with me to hold me close and discuss religion.
God bless us all.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.” – Warner Bailey

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“The true horizon is actually a theoretical line, which can only be observed when it lies on the sea surface. “

Prospective is a mutha fucka

See through my eyes you can’t.

Let me describe it to you best way I know how.

Listen to the words and the rhythm in which they’re said. Hear the emphasis, the staccato, lulls, breaks, and bridges. Join me in my head through every sight, sound, taste, and smell, I express with passion and conviction, sentiment and feeling.

Still you may hear it different.

It may not be bass and treble, it can be as simple as cases being upper and lower, we will both recite that “W” is the letter.

What I see is real, I see something. I see the horizon when they say it’s coming, until I scew my focus and the line becomes blurry and my surroundings become clear and far too close to me.

The scene is the same. I change.

I can look at anything in anyway.

“Perspective is something else.” I shake my head and say.

Twisted in the worst and the best way.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.” –Warner Bailey

http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/04/horizon.html

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